Since becoming a mother 21 months ago... my contact with my friends has dropped off, they don't call me and frankly I don't call them, I wish it was different... and maybe one day it will change, like in 5 years!? It's just a hard thing to feel inspired to do when you finally sit down on your own. You don't want to call and just complain, nor sit there completely silent on the other end of the phone... and the inevitable "So what's new with you?" question is a bit unbearable because on a second by second basis so many tiny little insignificant things are new with you that only affect you... that only you meticulously notice, before it gets whipped clean from your memory. It's like constantly living underneath a noisy busy highway over pass, waiting to cross the highway but the cars just go zipping by and you are left there just stunned and blinking profusely until your blinks turn into a spaced out stare of vacancy. You've shut down. dun, dun dun
So at the end of the day when all is finally quiet, its nice to be in control of your habitat, to shower without someone poking you through the curtain and incessantly repeating "Mommin shower? Mommin shower? Mommin shower? Mommin shower....?" and to just sit there blankly because you can, because at this instance your vacancy won't potentially lead to your child causing harm to themselves... at this time of day one's vacant state is no longer classified as neglect but rather the opposite- a recharge, a selfish delicious moment where you can just be.
I wish I felt more inspired to call my friends... but I'm at a lose on where to begin? So if you feel so inclined call me and tell me all about your life and remind me what it is to be an individual, to have lived on the other side of the wall, give me something else to think about, laugh about, analysis (for the love of god, lol!).